<sub>Haha, what a perfect question since everyone is getting sick/just getting over being sick around here! I'm in the "just getting over" it category. And really it kind of differs. I mean, I don't want people "doting" on me, but just doing things I'm not feeling up for would be nice. Like I might ask my parents to run to the store to get medicine or cough drops as opposed to doing it myself, or like I'll ask them to get me soup, which hardly ever happens lolz. But I don't really make people... "dote" on me. And I try to stay for school but sometimes it's just not happening. When I get sick I can't sleep like AT ALL and really what's the point in going to school if I'm going to be a complete and total zombie? So varying on how bad it is, I'll try to keep myself in school but sometimes it's just not happening.

These prompts are nice. They're random, and gives me something to update about.</sub>

<sub>Well. Hm. My oldest friend. You know originally I was going to say Jessi, but then I remembered that little blonde girl who lived next door when I was 4, before I met Jessi. Her name is Christal. We were instant best friends, but we couldn't be more different. I was the girly girl, dresses, barbies, flowers, she was the tomboy, "running, jumping, climbing trees" (thank you Eddie Izzard for that quote). We were best friends though, definitely. We spent most of our free time playing together outside, and that was how life was meant to be spent at that age. She moved away, I can't remember how old we were probably like 6 or 7, but we stayed in touch, and she only lived a few minutes away now anyway, so we still hung out. As we got older though, things obviously changed. I was still a girly girl for quite sometime, and she stayed a tomboy. And as my brother got a little older (born when I was 7), she seemed far more interested in playing with him, than me. She'd be outside, tossing a ball around with him, and I'd be on the porch watching. It was slowly but surely becoming obvious we had nothing in common anymore.

I'm twenty years old now, and we still see each other. She stops by and surprises us from time to time, recently actually, she came over with her puppy and her friends dog and we were all outside, playing with them and talking. I still consider her a best friend in that, I'm sure if I needed something, she would give it to me without thinking. We may not see each other but maybe one every month or so, and we don't talk otherwise, but it still feels the same when we see each other.

As for the last question of this prompt, it made me laugh really hard. Do my close friends tend to stay the same year after year or change over time? They definitely change. God, I can't say I even see half of my "close" friends anymore at all, and half of my "close friends" I'm not on good terms with. I feel like that ALWAYS happens to me, and I don't know why. I am a NICE person. I am NON CONFRONTATIONAL. I don't like to argue, I would rather just let you win and be done with it (with the exception of Justin, but I think its because he's a guy and automatically I win because I'm a woman lmao). I don't know how I manage to lose friends in bad ways. Like, for example, Snow. I didn't do anything to her. She was my best friend, and I loved her. Never would I have wanted to hurt her or anything. But somehow I just wasn't a good enough friend I guess, since she disappeared and didn't attempt at contacting me for like four years. And when she did it was like OMG GUESS WHO like I was going to be like OMG SNOW I LOVE YOU HOW ARE YOU LETS BE BEST FRIENDS NOW. Uhm, no, sorry but if you ditch me for FOUR YEARS it's not happening. I was so worried, I probably cried for her, and she wants to pull the "oh I forgot your screen name" bit on me. Yeah fucking right. But that's one of those done and over with bits. And it's always my BEST friends too. Like, with Jessi we kinda had a falling out, but we still talk occasionally and see each other and do things, very rarely, but we do. But like with Jaime, who really was my world at one point in my life, as well as Justin who was also my world... somehow I came to not matter to them. Well, no, apparently Justin is still holding the fuck on which really does not surprise me but honestly I wish he would give up lmao. I could definitely live a life Justin free at this point lmao. Not that I would change how things played out, EXCEPT I may have tried to squeeze my other friends in more during that time because I know I neglected them and may not have been there for them when they needed me. And I do regret that if it's the only thing. Sure, Justin was a shithead to me, but god I got some great stories, and had some good times too. So I definitely don't regret our friendship. Even if he was an asshole the whole time basically.</sub>

Soooo I decided hi LJ I will update you with pointless info! 8D



That.... really sort of depends on who its with. Some people I would rather text just because they're either really rambly on the phone or bad conversationalists in the sense they hold conversations with other people while I'm on the phone with them (for example, my mother), but some people I like talking to on the phone, like Jessi or Candace. Usually with them I have far too much to say that I can't possibly fit it in a text message, so texting would be sort of pointless. Though for most people I prefer talking in person. Crazy concept, I know, I'm weird.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I have to be a smartass about this one.

If it were my last day on earth........

I would probably spend it asking people where the fuck it is that I'll be going.

Oh this one is too awesome! Last night's seem to fit that particular night really REALLY well, and though this one doesn't, I find it very amusing. Because yeah, a few times, but what sticks out in my head the most is obviously (or not) Justin. He's NEVER going to fix what he did to me, no matter HOW many times he says he's sorry. I may be on friendly terms with him, and I may still be his friend, but nothing he can ever do will make up for what he did to me before.

I realize if I have any strangers reading my post this time (probably not), you're probably like "WTF DID HE DO?" and I think I may make it sound like he did something REPREHENSIBLE.... but really he was just this big MINDFUCK pretty much... letting me on to thinking he liked me while I was in love with him, then being gay, then not being gay, then being gay, then asking me out, then taking it back, then being gay again, then moving away and crying and crying about how much he loved me, then forgetting about me, then returning to me in a sense, and forgetting my birthday TWICE (seems childish, but really, its a funny story and you would HATE him if he did it to you)...

But I mean, though I may have told him I forgave him, I'm never going to. He will never be what he used to be, and this friendship has suffered from it. It was funny, he called me the other night, crying about how he cheated on his boyfriend three times and didn't know what to do about it... and he's just SO STUPID SO OFTEN... and he called me thinking I could put a bandaid on him and fix the problem... and thats the way he's always approached things, thinking that I can say "it'll be okay" and it will. Thats not the case, and I told him flat out, he can't do that and then call me thinking him confessing his sins to me is going to make them go away and everything be happy and fluffy again. I told him, I said "If you and your boyfriend aren't working out so good anymore you don't CHEAT on him. You break up with him. THEN you can have sex with whoever the hell you want, and it wont matter." So, he said he'd call me back, so we hung up. Then he called me back, crying, saying he did it and begged me to tell him what to do next, like I'm his master or something. I can't do that man. I can barely handle my OWN life let alone someone else's.

But yeah. He's not the only one who's done something I'll never be able to fully forgive, but none of it really matters. He was just the first one to come to mind. I hold things deep down for a very very long time, that doesn't mean I'll ever bring it up again, or that I wont still be your friend, but sometimes things in the past I haven't forgotten about are overwhelming.. so I should probably stop that.

I find this question very..... ironic.

Because its 5:31am right now. And I'm rolling around in my head (meant bed, but that works too), wishing I was asleep. Because what do I do before sleeping? I think.... about things I don't want to think about... once everyone's gone and its just me..... well.. its just me....

And I don't like me very much...

I'm not a very nice person, really. I'm always plaguing myself with thoughts that shouldn't be thought about.

Through my psych class my teacher was always ranting about his practice and shit, and I really wanted to go up to him after class and just stand there. I want to say "okay, diagnose me", mainly because he was so fucking full of himself... but really? Could he? Could he tell by my fleeting appearances in class, sitting in the back, writing (closer to carving) hateful notes into my notebook concerned the girl diagonal from me? Were all my deepest secrets ever so apparent on my face as I half-way listened to what he had to say? Did he have me pegged ever since I first walked into that class room?

I wanted to know... but the other part of me got the better of me and told me I was just a dumbass and too lazy to give a fuck as to what he thought about me.

For the past couple of days or so... i've just been sitting here.

There's nothing in particular I want to do (aside from go to Frankenmuth purely to play DDR or maybe to the park), but I know I don't want to be doing this. Sitting here. Waiting. Waiting for someone to say something.

And every night that I accomplish nothing, I lay down to go to sleep and curse at myself for being such a dumbass. Why do I just sit here? Why? Really? What am I waiting for? Waiting to be less alone maybe... but as we can see, the waiting isn't getting me much of anywhere.

I hate this so much... its like... is there any fucking point? I have yet to find the point. All I know is that this pointlessness... hurts so bad. And its just this sort of pain you can get rid of. You take pain pills for a headache... but there's nothing for this inside pain that I'm always feeling every second i'm alone.

I don't even have words... to... describe anything anymore... I.. don't know what to say at this point... all I can say is that there's something no right with me. And it seems so weird, I'm sure, because you don't SEE me like this, only read these words... if you even read them... I always seem just fine, don't I? But thats not the way it is... I think I should get the academy award or something, because i'm such a good actress, I fool myself. To thinking I can actually be happy. But how can I be happy and feel like this all in one day? Thats not right...

It can't be.

And lately I've been completely unable to cry. Like, I keep thinking maybe I should.... but nothing ever comes out... I can't rile myself enough to get myself to cry.. i'm so absolutely complacent... I.. can't feel anything. And what I mean is like... emotion wise.. I can feel this inner throbbing that's my soul aching... but even things that make me sad.... don't seem to work...

I should go for fucks sake.

Its almost six now.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my lord my soul to keep, and if I die before I wake....

I always get the next part all jumbled up.

Okay, so I love these little question things.

And I figured while I was up, I'd do this one.

Lots of things inspire me. Pretty art inspires me, pretty scenery, stories... I remember my sophomore year in HS, I was listening to Mr. Sumner lecture about the the massacre of My Lai, and I got ridiculously inspired by that. I made a character who was insane-o and completely devastated a theme park full of people... it was bloody and delicious. I never did get to RP her.

RPing inspires me a lot. Most of my drawings are inspired by RP's or ideas related to them. Movies and books... back when I used to read.... XD

I draw inspiration from everything... but I can't just chose when and where it'll come to me.

If you could rename yourself in real life, what would you choose, and why?

I fucking love these prompts. I'm going to have to do them all the time.

So, if I could rename myself.

It would probably be...

Aakykjfmuiduitm.

Just because that'd be hella fun to pronounce. You know A-kik-jif-moo-id-it-mm.

And imagine TELLING people it.. and getting the KICK ASS spellings of it.

Okay, so I just pulled all that shit out of my ass. <3<3

What was the last wedding you went to? Were you in the wedding?

Dude, this just happen to amuse me..

I don't actually have writers block or anything, but it got me thinking about the last wedding I was at... or moreso witnessed....

Me and Candace were chilling at Frakenmuth, and like... we were just walking to the room and we happened to notice a really pretty set up down on the floor beneath us, and so we're looking and stuff, well, once we got all settled in and whatever, we went downstairs and noticed a bunch of dressed up people, and a couple ladies that appeared to be in bridesmaid dresses, and we overheard them saying "she's just taking a moment to herself", like the bride was nervous or something, so after we looked around for like twenty minutes, we ran back upstairs and people had started to sit down in the chairs in the pretty room. So, we were like "lol omg they're having a wedding~~" and so we went back to the room, chilled some more, and then we went to check on them. There was a photographer and stuff, and some music playing, and we didn't want to look stupid... and be noticed... so we got down on our stomachs and crawled over to the edge of the hall (it had some railing but you could see through most of it), and just watched from above.

So we didn't look like freaks.

Yeah, because we didn't look weird laying on the ground and watching.. >.>

But yeah, eventually my father found us laying on the ground and told us to get up. xDD So, we just watched nonchallantly from above. The people down below had noticed us already anyway. xDD

I just want the world to know.

That I am not having a good life right now.

Don't worry, I'm not bitchy or anything... o.o

I try not to be bitch even if I can hardly keep myself from ripping my own skin off.

But just.. so everyone knows... if you all could please humor me, at least a little? When I start to annoy you or something.. don't ignore me, that just adds to the fire.

Oh how brightly it already burns.

There's really not a point in getting into it though, if you're really concerned, don't be.. its nothing huge or whatever.. just the little things deciding to add up and swell into masses.

I'm just saying, I'm trying really hard not to lose my mind.. not to just break down and cry until I throw up. And its not that you're not there for me as it is... but.. I'm just... particularly needy.

IM me or something, it'd be nice.

I've never really been this overwhelmingly unhappy.. I mean, I have in small doses.. but right now its just been like this for so long... I shake all the time.. half the time gripping at myself... wishing it would be easy enough to just tear myself apart.

But.

This too shall pass.

Right?

Lmao, Music& Lyrics... is the first movie since The DaVinci Code... that I HAD to own. I can not WAIT until it comes out on DVD. Because.. ohmygod. It was so good.

I need to stop going to horror movies, because they all suck, and I'm missing out on the actually good shit.

I tell you what, I have a few new favorite songs because of that movie.

*shakes head.*

So great.

I miss the days I went and saw romantic comedies. I really need to start up on that. One of these days.. I'm just going to go to the movies. Just... see whatever the hell is playing, I'm not going to think ahead... anything. I'm just going to show up, pick a movie that doesn't sound like its supposed to scare you shitless, yet doesn't anyway, and just.. go and see something.

I used to go to the movies for fun.

What happened to that? XD

Anyway, it was a great movie. I don't give reviews on great movies, just movies I think could have used a little work.

Like, nearly every other movie I've seen.

Anyway, its a must see if you have a heart and love music.

Or Hugh Grant.

Man, for being and older guy, I still think he's pretty sexy. And I didn't know he could sing! =O

AND DREW BARRYMORE! I love her so much. She's one of my FAVORITE female actresses. And she can sing too? WHERE THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN? XDDD

Anyway.

Btw, I've discovered I have such OBSCURE taste in music...

I listen to Dir en Grey...

And yet, I listen Haley Bennett's "Buddha's Delight"... with is a provocative dance/pop song. o_o;

And I LOVE it.

OH AND UPDATE ON MY LAST ENTRY----

Yeah, so I turned on the water works, and my mom got all guilty and told me it was all fine and if we didn't find it we'd just have to get a new one.

I need to go and get my new license too, anyway...

Wooooooooooow.




( Stolen from Jaime, who stole from Rachel, who I was going to steal this from )

and now, my love.

is the beginning of the end of everything you thought you knew.

(i should seriously write lyrics OOOO: omgkthnxtheend)