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29th-May-2010 05:24 am - I FELT LEFT OUT.
Okay so uh, everyone else is doing LJ again wtf! D: BANDWAGON, DON'T LEAVE ME~

Though fuck that long ass meme I see you all doing. Fuuuuck that. >_> I can't remember to brush my damn teeth, you think I'mma remember some month long meme? No.

I... really want to do that Life as a Musical meme again though, with my actual ipod. Because yeah, I have one now.

I just don't feel as thought I've much to update on. Well, much to update on as far as information my readers don't already know, since anyone that reads this probably... will already know. Because they were probably there lol.

ANYWAY I'M DOING THAT MEME BEFORE BED. BLAH.

This one is as Dreyll, I think, just for fun. C:

My Life: The Musical
Created by mrwiley and taken 742 times on Bzoink
Shuffle your iPod to create your life musical.
Opening credits: My Chemical Romance - Interlude
Waking up: Lacuna Coil - Heavens a Lie
Average day: Utada Hikaru - COLORS
First date: Say Anything - Skinny Mean Man
Falling in love: Sherwood - Gentleman of Promise
Fight Scene: Lady Gaga - Pokerface
Breaking up: Bleed the Dream - Emotion Regression
Getting back together: Blink 182 - Rollercoaster
Secret love: Asian Kung-Fu Generation - After Dark
Life's okay: Coldplay - Clocks
Mental breakdown: Ivy - Worry About You
Deep thought: Aiden - Enjoy the View
Flashback: John Waite - Missing You
Partying: Avenged Sevenfold - Lost
Happy dance: Green Day - Viva la Gloria
Regretting: Poe - Walk the Walk
Long night alone: Lady Gaga - Lovegame
Death scence: The Secret Handshake - Last Song
Ending Credits: Flyleaf - All Around Me
You've been totally Bzoink*d!
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Let me just say that none of that made sense even remotely, so yeah. Dreyll just draws in weirdness that doesn't make sense so her music makes sense... in the aspect that it doesn't make sense. Yeah. That.

Stuff.

I could do these all day seriously.
8th-Dec-2009 06:02 pm - I did another one of these, sigh.
My Life: The Musical
Created by mrwiley and taken 740 times on Bzoink
Shuffle your iPod to create your life musical.
Opening credits: Tokyo Nights - Utada Hikaru
Waking up: Like a Surgeon - Ciara
Average day: It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish - My Chemical Romance
First date: Till We Meet Again - Robie Rivera
Falling in love: Hold On - Cascada
Fight Scene: Hypnotized - Gemini
Breaking up: 愛的原味 - 許慧欣
Getting back together: I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! at the Disco
Secret love: Dangerous - Cascada
Life's okay: Blur - Britney Spears
Mental breakdown: London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines - Panic! at the Disco
Deep thought: Let Me See The Booty (feat. Lil Jon) - The Dream
Flashback: L'Anamour - Ivy
Partying: Ghost - Jes
Happy dance: Cancer - My Chemical Romane
Regretting: Keep Moving - Ivy
Long night alone: Out of the Blue - Babel Fish
Death scence: See You Soon - Jes
Ending Credits: Introduction - Panic! a the Disco
You've been totally Bzoink*d!
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1. Hm, well, this is sounding like a sexy life.
2. A very sexy life, actually.
3. And a pretty rockin' ass average day lmao.
4. .... apparently my first date was at like some sort of rave. Not a bad choice though.
5. Lmao "I wanna love you but I don't know why", seems fitting, 'cept I don't really like this song.
6. .... this sounds like a very... sexual fight.
7. Well, since it's not. In. English. I can't really comment on it. Except it sounds like a pretty laid back breaking up.
8. ..... hm. Not what I would picture... getting back together to...
9. Strangely fitting, actually, "something's taking over me, I wanna run but I don't know how, you just crossed my border now, just a kiss away"
10. Apparently life is okay after I've either had way too much to drink or too many drugs.
11. Well, trying to type that name gave me a mental breakdown.
12. Wow. I have very shallow deep thoughts.
13. Is this song in french? Wtf? I've never even heard it. >_>
14. Pretty fitting, I suppose. Not as uptempo as my "first date" song, but still relatively rave-y.
15. ........ really? This is my HAPPY dance? I'm sadistic.
16. Very fitting actually "I never meant to hurt you, no matter what I said.."
17. Hm. A little bit too cheery for a long night alone. Unless, you're, well, me. And love being alone.
18. VERY fitting. "don't look again, or try to feel loss for this ending, live to be aware, live to be with ourselves, always longing for the edge"
19. Lmfao. I got an introduction for my ending. How very progressive.
8th-Dec-2009 05:39 pm - Hi.
Been playing video games and just not bothering to review them. Probably because their games that I've played over the span of what seems like years (with RE5 it's only just been this year but whatever), so idk. Idk why I don't feel like reviewing them. Let me tell you though, Dragon Age: Origins = the shit. I love it. It's what I'm playing now in my break from RE5 rofl.

But that was not the point of this entry. I feel so useless on the computer anymore. Or rather the computer feels useless to me. I have nothing to do on it. I kind of hate it, actually, I feel like I'm wasting my time on it. I sit here and do nothing. Repeatedly browse the same sites and yielding no results. Every time I check my dA it says the same thing. Every time I check Mod the Sims it's the same shit uploaded, every time I get on myspace, there's nothing there for me. I'm growing quite annoyed.

This entry is being written so I don't feel like I'm wasting my time. I mean honestly, the only thing I would do, if I didn't get on the computer, would be play video games. I'm so fucking lazy I hate going out, and I don't like being around people, I just don't. Like, I hang out with my friends, sure, and I like it, I have a good time, but as cruel as it sounds, if they didn't ask me to go out and do things, I'd happily sit at home by myself locked up in my room playing my playstation.

Anyway, no need to draw this out, I was just hoping to spend sometime doing something. Even if this was pointless, and Sid will probably be the only person on the planet who reads this, at least my time will have been spent doing something other than staring and breathing.
6th-Nov-2009 05:46 pm - That was short lived.
Lol, sorry I seem to have disappeared again. I just haven't really played anything exclusively since Wet. I played Prototype a little bit more, but then one night... decided I HAD to play Resident Evil 5. I could easily write a review about that game, seeing as I have beat it about ten times now. I just haven't gotten around to it, there are some things I'd like to finish up with on it, perhaps attempt at beating the game on veteran, other things, and then I could probably come up with a nice long post for it. It's like, my favorite game, so expect it to be biased, though there are definitely some faults to it that annoy the hell out of even a rabid fan like me. So yeah. I will get around to that sometime.

Just swinging by to say I'm going to Florida tomorrow, and as always with long trips, I get incredibly paranoid and nervous, so JUST WANTING TO SAY, if I die..... I'm sorry? I don't really know what to say about that lol, but yeah. Lets keep our fingers crossed. All one of us lmao. Since the only one appeared to be actively reading my journals is Sid. Which is okay! But in case anyone else happens across, keep your fingers crossed too! 0
10th-Oct-2009 08:34 pm - Gamer Review: Wet
Sooo, considering Sid was nice enough to comment my last one, I figured it wasn't a completely lost cause! I mean, I highly doubt anyone will read these and use them to make a decision as to whether or not to buy the game, but hey, it's something to do in my downtime, right? Right.

WetCollapse )
8th-Oct-2009 02:15 am - My Life As a Musical
My Life: The Musical
Created by mrwiley and taken 734 times on Bzoink
Shuffle your iPod to create your life musical.
Opening credits: Evanescense - Whisper
Waking up: Ivy - I Don't Know Why I Love You
Average day: Avenged Sevenfold - Dear God
First date: Attack Attack! - Stick Stickly
Falling in love: Jimmy Eat World - Get It Faster
Fight Scene: A Skylit Drive - City on the Edge of Forever
Breaking up: Julien-K - Stranded
Getting back together: Sigur Ros - Inni Mur Syngur Vitleysingur
Secret love: Robbie Rivera - In Too Deep
Life's okay: Jes - People Will Go
Mental breakdown: DJ Sammy - Heavan (Candlelight Mix)
Deep thought: Emma Button - (Hey You) Free Up Your Mind
Flashback: Billie - Makin' My Way (Any Way That I Can)
Partying: Halestorm - What Were You Expecting?
Happy dance: Halestorm - Innocence
Regretting: Nickelback - Savin' Me
Long night alone: Ciara - Like a Surgeon
Death scence: Ciara - Keep Dancin' on Me
Ending Credits: The Used - The Ripper
You've been totally Bzoink*d!
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This survey makes no sense at all.
7th-Oct-2009 11:38 pm - Gamer Review: Ninja Gaiden Sigma
Okay gaiz, this is the first of probably like. Three reviews I will write rofl. Nah, I'll probably do more, but you know me! I get bored easily and I'll probably forget to write in this.

Also, please note, that not all games I review I have beaten. This one, for example. But I do TRY to beat most games, and if I think I may play a game further, I wont write a review until I'm basically sure I'm through with it. Like I am with this game. -__- But okay, onto the review!

Ninja Gaiden SigmaCollapse )

Currently playing: Wet
6th-Oct-2009 01:59 am - Writer's Block: Sick day
When you get sick, do you prefer to go it alone or be doted upon by a friend, partner, or parent? Do you usually go to work or school or stay home?


Haha, what a perfect question since everyone is getting sick/just getting over being sick around here! I'm in the "just getting over" it category. And really it kind of differs. I mean, I don't want people "doting" on me, but just doing things I'm not feeling up for would be nice. Like I might ask my parents to run to the store to get medicine or cough drops as opposed to doing it myself, or like I'll ask them to get me soup, which hardly ever happens lolz. But I don't really make people... "dote" on me. And I try to stay for school but sometimes it's just not happening. When I get sick I can't sleep like AT ALL and really what's the point in going to school if I'm going to be a complete and total zombie? So varying on how bad it is, I'll try to keep myself in school but sometimes it's just not happening.

These prompts are nice. They're random, and gives me something to update about.
4th-Oct-2009 02:17 pm - Writer's Block: Who's your BFF?
Who is your oldest friend (i.e., the friend you have known the longest)? How often do you see or talk to each other? Do your close friends tend to stay the same year after year or change over time?


Well. Hm. My oldest friend. You know originally I was going to say Jessi, but then I remembered that little blonde girl who lived next door when I was 4, before I met Jessi. Her name is Christal. We were instant best friends, but we couldn't be more different. I was the girly girl, dresses, barbies, flowers, she was the tomboy, "running, jumping, climbing trees" (thank you Eddie Izzard for that quote). We were best friends though, definitely. We spent most of our free time playing together outside, and that was how life was meant to be spent at that age. She moved away, I can't remember how old we were probably like 6 or 7, but we stayed in touch, and she only lived a few minutes away now anyway, so we still hung out. As we got older though, things obviously changed. I was still a girly girl for quite sometime, and she stayed a tomboy. And as my brother got a little older (born when I was 7), she seemed far more interested in playing with him, than me. She'd be outside, tossing a ball around with him, and I'd be on the porch watching. It was slowly but surely becoming obvious we had nothing in common anymore.

I'm twenty years old now, and we still see each other. She stops by and surprises us from time to time, recently actually, she came over with her puppy and her friends dog and we were all outside, playing with them and talking. I still consider her a best friend in that, I'm sure if I needed something, she would give it to me without thinking. We may not see each other but maybe one every month or so, and we don't talk otherwise, but it still feels the same when we see each other.

As for the last question of this prompt, it made me laugh really hard. Do my close friends tend to stay the same year after year or change over time? They definitely change. God, I can't say I even see half of my "close" friends anymore at all, and half of my "close friends" I'm not on good terms with. I feel like that ALWAYS happens to me, and I don't know why. I am a NICE person. I am NON CONFRONTATIONAL. I don't like to argue, I would rather just let you win and be done with it (with the exception of Justin, but I think its because he's a guy and automatically I win because I'm a woman lmao). I don't know how I manage to lose friends in bad ways. Like, for example, Snow. I didn't do anything to her. She was my best friend, and I loved her. Never would I have wanted to hurt her or anything. But somehow I just wasn't a good enough friend I guess, since she disappeared and didn't attempt at contacting me for like four years. And when she did it was like OMG GUESS WHO like I was going to be like OMG SNOW I LOVE YOU HOW ARE YOU LETS BE BEST FRIENDS NOW. Uhm, no, sorry but if you ditch me for FOUR YEARS it's not happening. I was so worried, I probably cried for her, and she wants to pull the "oh I forgot your screen name" bit on me. Yeah fucking right. But that's one of those done and over with bits. And it's always my BEST friends too. Like, with Jessi we kinda had a falling out, but we still talk occasionally and see each other and do things, very rarely, but we do. But like with Jaime, who really was my world at one point in my life, as well as Justin who was also my world... somehow I came to not matter to them. Well, no, apparently Justin is still holding the fuck on which really does not surprise me but honestly I wish he would give up lmao. I could definitely live a life Justin free at this point lmao. Not that I would change how things played out, EXCEPT I may have tried to squeeze my other friends in more during that time because I know I neglected them and may not have been there for them when they needed me. And I do regret that if it's the only thing. Sure, Justin was a shithead to me, but god I got some great stories, and had some good times too. So I definitely don't regret our friendship. Even if he was an asshole the whole time basically.
I just wanna say THANK YOU. To everyone over the years who commented my journals. Now, I used to whine and complain about no one commenting, I'm sure, because a lot of the times it seemed when I needed it the most, no one did, but for those of you that did, thank you I think especially so to Sid and Rachel, NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE ELSE, but Sid commented my journals long after we stopped really talking, and that's so nice that, even if we sort of lost touch, she still cared, and Rachel was commenting almost all of my journals BEFORE we were really friends and were just sort of friendly acquaintances that got along well when we were put together by chance, I may not have said it then, but it means a lot to me now.

And as for everyone else, I'm just as glad, but I thought that was really worth mentioning.

Also, I'm sorry I was such an asshole, and hardly, if ever, commented any of you back. No wonder no one ever commented, I never responded. I think it had a lot to do with the fact, at that time in my life, I was very emotional, and it was really hard for me to respond when called out on it. It's easy for me to say things when I just think people might read it, but when someone comments I know they've read it and I start to feel really awkward and don't know what to say. So, for all those comments you left that went unresponded to, I'm sorry.

It really is funny looking back at them all because I was one hell of an whiny emo bitch. Well, maybe not a bitch, since I wasn't ever really mean lolz, but damn was I whiny and emo. And while I don't feel that way anymore, I wasn't making it up then. I really felt true pain in those years, and I still don't know why. Maybe it was my choice in relationships which as we can see now turned mostly self destructive, maybe it was just being stuck in the confines with people I had known my entire like for like twelve years of my life. I don't know, and I don't suppose I ever will, but if I was really a sick individual like I thought I was then, I should still be suffering now, right? And I'm not. Sure, sometimes paranoia gets to me, or sometimes I'll be lonely or feel like the person walking by the party in the rain, uninvited, but it is not nearly as crippling as it was for me in the past years.

So if you saw my journals in your friends page, please, don't worry, I'm not going to be an emo whiny bitch anymore, life's good. Well, it's not, but lol it ain't that bad. So, take a look when I post, I promise it wont be whiny, may not be that interesting, but I really would like to see some old readers posting comments. ;] And I will reply. Promise.
4th-Oct-2009 03:25 am - Lets hit rewind.
SUP.

Soooo, LJ. It's been a while.

I'm not going to elaborate about it. Trust me, you don't care.




But my love, Caysie, told me I should write video game reviews. Because I'm funny. So I thought, hey. I will.


And I'm gonna post them here. Because honestly, they wont be that good, so I can't submit them to any real game sites, and fuck, I ain't got no where else to post. I could on dA but that just seems like a clash of interest. Talking about video games on an art site. Idk, could just be me.

Also, my reviews wont hold much merit because you have no idea how often I beat games. So, my reviews will cover only the basics of games which you figure out in like the beginning half of the game because it's just my nature not to pursue beyond that.





I'm also going to probably private all of my other entries.









I don't know for sure because I have like... over 9000 entries.







And it's going to take me forever.

But okay, enough abuse of the enter key. Just. Stick with me. I'll get all this shit worked out. I probably wont post very often, but when I do, hey, read it. Have a good time. Also, no more friends locking because fuck, I'm not that controversial anymore lmao.
8th-Mar-2009 06:18 pm - Writer's Block: Chatty
Soooo I decided hi LJ I will update you with pointless info! 8D

Do you prefer texting or talking on the phone?


That.... really sort of depends on who its with. Some people I would rather text just because they're either really rambly on the phone or bad conversationalists in the sense they hold conversations with other people while I'm on the phone with them (for example, my mother), but some people I like talking to on the phone, like Jessi or Candace. Usually with them I have far too much to say that I can't possibly fit it in a text message, so texting would be sort of pointless. Though for most people I prefer talking in person. Crazy concept, I know, I'm weird.
If you knew it was your last day on earth, how would you spend the time?


Okay.

I'm sorry.

I have to be a smartass about this one.

If it were my last day on earth........

I would probably spend it asking people where the fuck it is that I'll be going.
Has anyone ever done something so horrible to you that "I'm sorry" couldn't fix it?


Oh this one is too awesome! Last night's seem to fit that particular night really REALLY well, and though this one doesn't, I find it very amusing. Because yeah, a few times, but what sticks out in my head the most is obviously (or not) Justin. He's NEVER going to fix what he did to me, no matter HOW many times he says he's sorry. I may be on friendly terms with him, and I may still be his friend, but nothing he can ever do will make up for what he did to me before.

I realize if I have any strangers reading my post this time (probably not), you're probably like "WTF DID HE DO?" and I think I may make it sound like he did something REPREHENSIBLE.... but really he was just this big MINDFUCK pretty much... letting me on to thinking he liked me while I was in love with him, then being gay, then not being gay, then being gay, then asking me out, then taking it back, then being gay again, then moving away and crying and crying about how much he loved me, then forgetting about me, then returning to me in a sense, and forgetting my birthday TWICE (seems childish, but really, its a funny story and you would HATE him if he did it to you)...

But I mean, though I may have told him I forgave him, I'm never going to. He will never be what he used to be, and this friendship has suffered from it. It was funny, he called me the other night, crying about how he cheated on his boyfriend three times and didn't know what to do about it... and he's just SO STUPID SO OFTEN... and he called me thinking I could put a bandaid on him and fix the problem... and thats the way he's always approached things, thinking that I can say "it'll be okay" and it will. Thats not the case, and I told him flat out, he can't do that and then call me thinking him confessing his sins to me is going to make them go away and everything be happy and fluffy again. I told him, I said "If you and your boyfriend aren't working out so good anymore you don't CHEAT on him. You break up with him. THEN you can have sex with whoever the hell you want, and it wont matter." So, he said he'd call me back, so we hung up. Then he called me back, crying, saying he did it and begged me to tell him what to do next, like I'm his master or something. I can't do that man. I can barely handle my OWN life let alone someone else's.

But yeah. He's not the only one who's done something I'll never be able to fully forgive, but none of it really matters. He was just the first one to come to mind. I hold things deep down for a very very long time, that doesn't mean I'll ever bring it up again, or that I wont still be your friend, but sometimes things in the past I haven't forgotten about are overwhelming.. so I should probably stop that.
What is one thing you MUST do before you go to bed at night?


I find this question very..... ironic.

Because its 5:31am right now. And I'm rolling around in my head (meant bed, but that works too), wishing I was asleep. Because what do I do before sleeping? I think.... about things I don't want to think about... once everyone's gone and its just me..... well.. its just me....

And I don't like me very much...

I'm not a very nice person, really. I'm always plaguing myself with thoughts that shouldn't be thought about.

Through my psych class my teacher was always ranting about his practice and shit, and I really wanted to go up to him after class and just stand there. I want to say "okay, diagnose me", mainly because he was so fucking full of himself... but really? Could he? Could he tell by my fleeting appearances in class, sitting in the back, writing (closer to carving) hateful notes into my notebook concerned the girl diagonal from me? Were all my deepest secrets ever so apparent on my face as I half-way listened to what he had to say? Did he have me pegged ever since I first walked into that class room?

I wanted to know... but the other part of me got the better of me and told me I was just a dumbass and too lazy to give a fuck as to what he thought about me.

For the past couple of days or so... i've just been sitting here.

There's nothing in particular I want to do (aside from go to Frankenmuth purely to play DDR or maybe to the park), but I know I don't want to be doing this. Sitting here. Waiting. Waiting for someone to say something.

And every night that I accomplish nothing, I lay down to go to sleep and curse at myself for being such a dumbass. Why do I just sit here? Why? Really? What am I waiting for? Waiting to be less alone maybe... but as we can see, the waiting isn't getting me much of anywhere.

I hate this so much... its like... is there any fucking point? I have yet to find the point. All I know is that this pointlessness... hurts so bad. And its just this sort of pain you can get rid of. You take pain pills for a headache... but there's nothing for this inside pain that I'm always feeling every second i'm alone.

I don't even have words... to... describe anything anymore... I.. don't know what to say at this point... all I can say is that there's something no right with me. And it seems so weird, I'm sure, because you don't SEE me like this, only read these words... if you even read them... I always seem just fine, don't I? But thats not the way it is... I think I should get the academy award or something, because i'm such a good actress, I fool myself. To thinking I can actually be happy. But how can I be happy and feel like this all in one day? Thats not right...

It can't be.

And lately I've been completely unable to cry. Like, I keep thinking maybe I should.... but nothing ever comes out... I can't rile myself enough to get myself to cry.. i'm so absolutely complacent... I.. can't feel anything. And what I mean is like... emotion wise.. I can feel this inner throbbing that's my soul aching... but even things that make me sad.... don't seem to work...

I should go for fucks sake.

Its almost six now.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my lord my soul to keep, and if I die before I wake....

I always get the next part all jumbled up.
23rd-Jan-2008 03:56 am - What Do You Have To Say? - Inspiring
What inspires you to create?


Okay, so I love these little question things.

And I figured while I was up, I'd do this one.

Lots of things inspire me. Pretty art inspires me, pretty scenery, stories... I remember my sophomore year in HS, I was listening to Mr. Sumner lecture about the the massacre of My Lai, and I got ridiculously inspired by that. I made a character who was insane-o and completely devastated a theme park full of people... it was bloody and delicious. I never did get to RP her.

RPing inspires me a lot. Most of my drawings are inspired by RP's or ideas related to them. Movies and books... back when I used to read.... XD

I draw inspiration from everything... but I can't just chose when and where it'll come to me.
19th-Jul-2007 05:07 pm - Writer's Block: By Any Other Name
If you could rename yourself in real life, what would you choose, and why?

I fucking love these prompts. I'm going to have to do them all the time.

So, if I could rename myself.

It would probably be...

Aakykjfmuiduitm.

Just because that'd be hella fun to pronounce. You know A-kik-jif-moo-id-it-mm.

And imagine TELLING people it.. and getting the KICK ASS spellings of it.

Okay, so I just pulled all that shit out of my ass. <3<3
What was the last wedding you went to? Were you in the wedding?

Dude, this just happen to amuse me..

I don't actually have writers block or anything, but it got me thinking about the last wedding I was at... or moreso witnessed....

Me and Candace were chilling at Frakenmuth, and like... we were just walking to the room and we happened to notice a really pretty set up down on the floor beneath us, and so we're looking and stuff, well, once we got all settled in and whatever, we went downstairs and noticed a bunch of dressed up people, and a couple ladies that appeared to be in bridesmaid dresses, and we overheard them saying "she's just taking a moment to herself", like the bride was nervous or something, so after we looked around for like twenty minutes, we ran back upstairs and people had started to sit down in the chairs in the pretty room. So, we were like "lol omg they're having a wedding~~" and so we went back to the room, chilled some more, and then we went to check on them. There was a photographer and stuff, and some music playing, and we didn't want to look stupid... and be noticed... so we got down on our stomachs and crawled over to the edge of the hall (it had some railing but you could see through most of it), and just watched from above.

So we didn't look like freaks.

Yeah, because we didn't look weird laying on the ground and watching.. >.>

But yeah, eventually my father found us laying on the ground and told us to get up. xDD So, we just watched nonchallantly from above. The people down below had noticed us already anyway. xDD
27th-Mar-2007 09:31 pm - So okay.
I just want the world to know.

That I am not having a good life right now.

Don't worry, I'm not bitchy or anything... o.o

I try not to be bitch even if I can hardly keep myself from ripping my own skin off.

But just.. so everyone knows... if you all could please humor me, at least a little? When I start to annoy you or something.. don't ignore me, that just adds to the fire.

Oh how brightly it already burns.

There's really not a point in getting into it though, if you're really concerned, don't be.. its nothing huge or whatever.. just the little things deciding to add up and swell into masses.

I'm just saying, I'm trying really hard not to lose my mind.. not to just break down and cry until I throw up. And its not that you're not there for me as it is... but.. I'm just... particularly needy.

IM me or something, it'd be nice.

I've never really been this overwhelmingly unhappy.. I mean, I have in small doses.. but right now its just been like this for so long... I shake all the time.. half the time gripping at myself... wishing it would be easy enough to just tear myself apart.

But.

This too shall pass.

Right?
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